Day 18: Good news or bad news first?

Dear Fabulous Spouse,

Pizza & Movie night tonight.  We had Papa Murphy’s Cowboy pizza and two episodes of Terra Nova (there are spiders in this one).  Got the blogger fix today. Woo hoo!  Sorry that I did not react well to your news of an ORDMOD.  I know I AM happy that you will still have only missed one Christmas Ever.  The kids will be too.  As long as you are safe, I am happy.

We miss you.

Love,

Me

Translation: When do we get any good news?

I know that it must be hard being the one who is deployed, being the one missed, being not there.  I can understand the excitement at the prospect of an early return. I can only begin to understand a fraction of your disappointment when I was less than enthused at the prospect of seeing you at the end of the year, vice this summer.  After all, it isn’t that big of a difference between seven and eleven months.  Sorry for not being supportive.

There is always two sides to every piece of information.  It is always important to understand that the sender and the receiver may view the information differently, and the consequences of that information.  The reaction to the information, whatever it is, is often heightened by the fact that this is a deployment, and not just any deployment…it is an IA to a war zone.  It does not help that men and women process information differently, and that home dynamics (in my case, that I have three children promised a two week holiday in Hawaii this summer with a follow on vacation at the end of deployment to Disneyland).

My mental processes immediately skipped ahead to my kids.  The disappointment of missing Disneyland…again... because an IA was shorted, this is something that Illusive Middle Child keeps reminding me of, wanting reassurance that it is a go not a no go this time arround.  OR the disappointment of not going to Hawaii where Oldest Child wanted to see volcanoes and get a piece of obsidian, and Girl Friday was going to share her American Girl’s story (her American Girl is from Hawaii). 

The fact is, the kids will deal…or they will end up in therapy as adults… no matter what I will be there for you.  I will be supportive.  I will always be here for you (even if it takes a couple hours to get that perspective)!

Day 9: Back to School or Cat out of Hiding

Dear Fabulous Spouse,

The kids have finally headed back to school today! (Yeah!)   The cat was happy to have her house back.
  We had another 710: 710 visitors from the UK to my Scrapbooking blog.  Hope to catch you tomorrow, as Girl Friday has a Cookie Rally.  I will work harder to adapt to your new schedule.  After all, any communication is a cause for celebration. 

I Miss YOU!

Love,

Me

Translation: “Call Me!” –Blondie

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me (call me) my love
You can call me any day or night
Call me

Today’s Family Gram started out one way in my mind, and ended in another.  It was good to get everyone back into a routine… even if it means getting up early to do it!  As the resident non-morning person, 6AM definitely came early.  However, the little ones were more than ready to get up and go back.  Oldest Child on the other hand would have been okay with a 10AM start.  The cat has been snuggling all day, as if to say thank you for giving me my house back. 

It is good to have inside jokes.  Ours is 710.  When Fabulous Spouse arrived at his first seagoing command, it was hull number 710.  Someone said that we had better learn to love it, because you will not be able to escape 710 the rest of your life.  This was no Jedi mind trick, it is fact.  Things ship in 7 to 10 business days.  Macaroni and cheese boils for 7-10 minutes.  710s are everywhere.  I have a Scrapbooking blog, and today, I registered my 710^th new visitor from the United Kingdom.

Tomorrow, Girl Friday has her big cookie celebration to kick off the Girl Scout Cookie Season.  Just because we are not busy enough, they have decided to have the girls race pinewood derby cars…Seriously! Now if you have a boy… and I have two… pinewood derbies are a big deal.  Since we have been MIA at Daisy Scouts, we got ours yesterday… and it is due tomorrow.  Luckily, it is supposed to have a cookie theme, so it only took a little convincing to have her make a cookie box! (Yeah! No cutting or carving of the car!)

Finally, Communication.  I guess this is the part of the deployment where I have my first hiccup.  For starters, my “Mommy ESP” definitely does not work across three time zones.  When couples fail to make a communication plan, then there is bound to be miscommunication, and both parties will blame the other for the problem.  Make a communication plan.

In my circumstance, I was under the impression that Fabulous Spouse would “get off work” between 4 and 5PM, so that he could eat dinner and have free time.  And, that would be when he would be dying to call or Skype me to talk about his day, and all the cool, boring or awful things that he was doing.  Having never shared that opinion or expectation with him, it is no surprise, that eventually, we miss a call in favor of working out with his new friends.  Now, understand, I have strongly encouraged him to make friends and build bonds.  How could he be anything other than hurt I appear cross via text that he chose to hang with them.  I have been encouraging him to do just that.

Communications plan is the Key.  It prevents disappointed kids, dejected spouses, and hurt and frustrated service members. 

Also texting sucks (pardon my language).  There is no tone or inflection.  Things “sound” harsher…and probably less respectful then they should… and a sentence at a time it is easy to get out of sync or frustrated that your I keeps showing up as an o.  So make it easy and have a communication plan.